When do you date someone? Is it when you get that feeling? I don't even need to describe it because you already know. Should you guys be friends first? Is it when you spend a lot of time together?
What if you are sleeping with a girl on the reg and fight all the time? Is that dating without the title?
My last girlfriend was a long time ago. I'm extremely picky and have only been interested in one girl in three years. I'm picky as fuck. For some reason I think I should really like the person before we date.
Here's the kicker--my last gf I didn't even really like until a couple months into the relationship. I mean, I liked her but dating was what she wanted not really me. I ended up developing hardcore feelings for her. I always think back to this when I'm talking with a girl. Should I just try it and see where it goes?
What if the person you are regularly sleeping with and fighting with is moving to another state in a month? Like, eight hours away...
I'm in very familiar territory but I don't know if I've been fucking up. I will become decent friends with a girl, not even decent, like hang out for a week. Then we will get to hooking up. A few weeks later I get bored and move on because I never have the same feelings. Maybe it's the lack of a chase. Maybe I am too picky. Maybe I expect too much.
Playing poker full time and not being in school at the moment leaves me anxious about my social life--especially the dating aspect. I don't want to be throwing away numerous opportunities to date just because I am not falling head over heels for a girl within a couple weeks.
I'm looking for any advice/comments/suggestions...anything.
Side note: If you think you know who this is about you probably are mistaken. It is not who you think, trust me.
Ireland - UKIPT Galway
3 days ago
5 comments:
really sort have felt the same in a lot of spots. It's prob needed that you define YOUR team on what dating is to get an accurate response though. In general if you are friends with someone for like a week and start to hook up, you won't last, I promise.
"What if you are sleeping with a girl on the reg and fight all the time? Is that dating without the title"?
-Pretty sure thats called fucking
As far as relationships go, if you are looking for something to last you need to know each other decently well before you start committing anything. If you just start hooking up its obv for selfish reasons and when it comes to have to sacrifice something it's not going to work out because you were both in it for the wrong reasons (this is unless you tell her you like her and really don't or visa versa. You get the point).
I can def really relate with your last paragraph as I am not sure how to proceed in some spots as well. It's def fine to date people to get to know them better, just make sure both parties know there is no serious commitment going on.
Hope this helped
When you are in marginal situations isn't it better to check because you are way ahead or way behind. J/k man! Honestly though if it is a chick I respect and would want to get with I don't try to have sex as soon as possible. I figure if she gives it up easy enough there is no real challenge and that is what you kind of are running into.
I would say take your time and get to know the person before you get serious. Often times you can be dating someone for months and still feeling them out.
Lastly I dunno for some reason as poker players we get caught up in the social life thing when sometimes it can be completely overrated. I believe that guys like you are reasonally shociable because you can go out in public and just talk to people like the randos you meet at bars. Like I said I think it will get better when people come back for the summer too. Summer school was always kinda lame to me because NO ONE was there.
Any serious relationship I've had, that I've enjoyed has always started off slowly and as friends. Any time that I've jumped into something, I'll hook up with them for a while, but it'll never develop into a real relationship because I didn't know them before we started hooking up.
If you take it too fast, I think you're seriously hurting your chances at dating. If you take it too slowly, it's not a big deal, it'll just take longer for sex and stuff but that should be a pretty small sacrifice imo.
Re: How do you know? You know. You think about her all the time, butterflies when she's around, all that stuff. If you don't feel that way, you shouldn't be dating her. If you think she's a prospect, get to be friends with her, hang out with her, etc. No need to rush things.
I appreciate all these responses so far and agree with them basically in their entirety. I think you guys are just telling me what I already know but don't want to hear. It's good to get that reassurance from people I respect though.
I don't know what it is about me but it is as if I give my addictive personality to these girls. I would expect myself to be the one that is immediately consumed by someone and want to date hardcore, however, it is literally always the other way around.
I haven't been as straight up with many of these girls as I should be. I always just say yeah I like you too and care about you but I'm not ready to date right now etc etc and kind of string them along. It's most definitely my fault for getting physically involved because that always complicates things. In fact that is when things get to this point.
All three of you have said to get to know someone first and be friends and take things kind off slow at first. I agree and I think I just needed to hear it from someone else.
My friends also complicate things for me. Playing basketball puts me with a lot of guys who just basically run through girls. They are sleeping with different girls on the reg and just care about getting theirs and moving on. I wouldn't say I've become that, but it has definitely had an impact on how I view girls.
The anti-social aspect of poker is why I think about this a lot and am kind of worried about if I will find someone. Obviously the more people you meet and the more you put yourself out there the better chance you have of finding someone. It is simple statistics, something all of us understand. I'm exposed to such a small pool of people that this is just a constant thought in my head.
I appreciate any further comments and thank you very much guys for your comments up to this point.
Vers is $100/hr. Not sure what Shen charges but I can shoot him a msg for you if you like.
Post a Comment